return to the island of misfit toys

gothamites -- chapter 5: local flavor

day 71

janae?

yep.

cool.

going to 10950 gordon parkway?

yep.

turn left on east hudson avenue. you are on the fastest route. you will arrive at your destination in 17 minutes.

partying tonight?

just meeting some co-workers for a couple of drinks. nothing crazy.

c'mon! it's a friday night in gotham city. you gotta wild out.

heh. we'll see. you from here?

born and raised.

you like it here?

it's alright. you get used to things, i guess. never really been anywhere else. you new in town?

3 minute construction delay ahead. you are still on the fastest route. you will arrive at your destination in 14 minutes. turn right onto bethel street.

yeah. just been here a couple of months.

where are you from?

los angeles.

that's cool. way different than here.

i'm learning.

y'all got costumes out there?

besides the guys charging for pictures in front of the chinese theater? no.

wow, really? that's crazy.

crazier than a guy in a bat outfit swooping down from a rooftop to kick the crap out of purse snatchers?

like i said, you get used to things.

what do you do when you're not driving?

i run a non-profit to provide assistance for people displaced by costumed attacks.

seems like that would keep you busy.

we're not hurting for clients lately. you mind if i take a bit longer route? it's not safe driving through haysville at night. been a lot of scarecrow sightings lately.

uh...sure, i guess.

re-routing. your new route will add 7 minutes to your trip. say yes to proceed on this route.

yes.

you will arrive at your destination in 16 minutes.

um. who's the scarecrow?

i've never seen him but my cousin's boyfriend's best friend did. said he wears a burlap sack over his head and sprays people with some weird gas. randall says...

randall is your cousin's boyfriend?

cousin's boyfriend's best friend. anyway, randall said he got hit with the gas and it was like eating a bunch of molly-coated mushrooms. he's been trying to find the guy to see if he can buy an ounce of the stuff off of him. or at least get sprayed again.

sounds like randall might have a problem.

that's what i said. but my cousin wants to take some to coachella next year.

heavy police activity ahead. re-routing. turn left on st. patrick boulevard. you will arrive at your destination in 20 minutes.

have you ever seen any of these costumed guys?

not me. my boyfriend saw calendar man at the mall on black friday.

calendar man?

that's what he called himself. was wearing an all-black jumpsuit. james said he yelled something about destroying capitalism to own the liberals and started throwing books at people. i guess he got fired from the book nook for stealing all of the calendars. the manager called security and they escorted him outside.

sounds annoying. so does your charity get money from the kgb fund?

you mean the "keep gotham bankrupt" fund? that money is just kickbacks to contractors -- mostly bruce wayne -- who end up building more luxury apartments. who's going to spend $3500 a month for an apartment in gotham? anyone who can afford it is already living across the river. the people who need that money never see it.

then how do you raise money?

crowdfunding mostly. we also run a small coffee shop. our specialty is gotham-and-cheese paninis.

costumed event reported ahead. you are still on the fastest route. you will arrive at your destination in 40 minutes.

so, uh ...

yeah. looks like it might be awhile.

i think i'm just going to head home.

you want me to turn around?

actually, can you just let me off at the corner? i can take the train. there's a green line station up there.

okay. sorry about that. you're actually my third ride this week that this has happened to. is right here good?

yep. this works. thanks.

have a good rest of your night.

you too. hey ... you ever think about moving out of here?

why? gotham's the greatest city in the world.

ping!
1 notification
due to heightened g.c.p.d. activity, all green line trains are currently out of service

greatest city in the world, my ass.

begin walking north on st. patrick boulevard. you are on the fastest route. you should arrive at your destination in 1 hour, 20 minutes.

i hate this fucking city.